Parthonet

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CATHY!

 

Four Stories

The following 4 stories often go through my mind when I'm lying in bed and feeling depressed. I frequently have intrusive, repetitive thoughts similar in vocabulary and negative tone to these stories. Years ago, when alone in my condo, I used to say them out loud, often in a low-pitched gruff kind of voice. I first started having symptoms of schizophrenia in 1983, and a little over a year later I started having the intrusive, repetitive thoughts.

We Hate You

1) Your mother and I hate you, Reginald. We've always hated you. And now, finally, we're going to kill you. Moreover, because we are both so evil, Reginald, you will die slowly. Yes, Reginald, that is correct. I'm afraid that you're simply going to have to be tortured to death. Should you wish to avoid being tortured to death, Reginald, then I'm afraid that your only recourse is to commit suicide immediately. Because you see, Reginald, if you FAIL to commit suicide THIS INSTANT, then you're simply going to have to be tortured to death. And we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we, Reginald? Of course we wouldn't. So you see, Reginald, you're simply going to have to kill yourself, if you don't want to be tortured to death.

Pronouncing Eschew

2) We must abrogate these declensivities, in order to eschew that which is about to be tortured. Reginald, I have decided to teach you the correct pronunciation of the word eschew. The word ess-chew is to be pronounced in simply that fashion: ess-chew, NOT esh-yew or ish-yew. Because you see, Reginald, if you FAIL to pronounce the word eschew correctly, that is, by using its incorrect pronunciation, namely, esh-yew or ish-yew, as opposed to its correct pronunciation, ess-chew, then you're simply going to have to be tortured to death. And we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we, Reginald? Of course we wouldn't. So you see, Reginald, you're simply going to have to continue to pronounce the word eschew correctly, by using its correct pronunciation, namely, ess- chew, as opposed to its incorrect pronunciation, esh-yew, or ish-yew, if you don't want to be tortured to death.

Christ Pentagon

3) Why just the other day, I tortured God to death. And this angered God, so he tortured Christ to death. Later that day, Christ became angered. So he tortured the son of Christ to death. And this angered the son of Christ. So he tortured the President to death. Later that day, the President became angered, so he tortured the Vice-President to death. And this angered the son of Christ. So he tortured God to death. The President then became angered, and he tortured Christ to death. In fact, the President also tortured the son of Christ to death. And this angered Christ. So he tortured the Vice-President to death, forming the shape of an X, or a cross. Later that day, God became angered. So he tortured the son of Christ to death. Then he tortured the President to death. And this angered the Vice-President. So he tortured Christ to death.

Days of Yore

4) Do you remember, back in the days of yore, there were always a whole lot of huge monsters, and they were always running around, roaming the earth, crushing people to death, and harming entire nation states? Well those days are here again, because look at that huge monster over there, and look what it's doing: it's roaming the earth, crushing people to death, and harming entire nation states. It's got to be stopped at all costs, before it kills us all, with its Denzel Washingtonized, fiend-killing density mechanisms. Food-like, he harshly tortures his violent get-uption, Harold be thy name. Kill the dead folk, and those who would be tortured.

Bits and Pieces

Reginald, would you kindly stop torturing that poor dog to death? How would you like it if somebody tortured you to death? You wouldn't like that at all, now would you? Of course you wouldn't. So you see, Reginald, you're simply going to have to cease and desist in your always torturing that poor dog to death, if you yourself do not wish to be tortured to death. But you must do so immediately, Reginald, if you don't want to be tortured to death. Your mother and I hate you a great deal, Reginald. We've always hated you. And now finally, we're going to kill you.

The dead folk. Are they not killed to death? Because it stands to reason, that all of the Elven folk must be eliminated. After all, they do in fact hate us a great deal, do they not? Of course they hate us, to a certain extent. Because I would dare gainsay, that a killed brain must be put to death.

Must we not torture the son of Christ? If a killed brain attempts to torture God, then a violent monster must be completely destroyed. Even Christ hates us to a certain extent. We must be put to death. Killing us, he foods our get-uption, in his doo-ectient at once-or-iance. Kill him! I have always enjoyed torturing dogs to death. In as much of the fact that can be ill regarded as such.

Dear Mr. James, vandal folk, private detective, killed by a dog: Yours sincerely, Mr. James, deadly torture, private detective, vandal destructo person. He tortured us to death, in his Denzel Washingtonized doo-mental have-ect-oniance. Avast, ye swabs! All of the dead folk, must be completely destroyed.

Stepping Out of the Shower

These days, the only time I say my intrusive, repetitive thoughts out loud is whenever I step out of the shower. I use a somewhat high-pitched voice, the final syllable is drawn out, descending in pitch. I alternate between the first and second of the following 2 paragraphs:

Reginald! Your mother and I hate you a great deal. Oh, no! My poor dog has been tortured to death. By a brayyyyyyn.

Reginald! Your mother and I hate you a great deal. Oh, no! My poor dog has been tortured to death. By a monsterrrrr.

[ Back to Top ]